Friday, July 14, 2006

Casino Stories

Some of the most "wonderful" stories abound regarding casino patrons. One of the best legends - I used the word "legend" here since I have absolutely no way to verify it happened, but the person telling the story insists it was true - that I have heard was of a woman sitting in a puddle of her own urine because she refused to get up from a particularily good session on her favorite slot machine.

Well, I have a fun one to add, and I witnessed it personally. And, typically, it involves an older couple. The wife, moving quite quickly, had a tube in a hole cut in her throat. However, since she was apparently quite frail, she had her husband carrying whatever kind of oxygen tank/filtration system that was connected to the other end of the tube, in addition to her overwhelmingly large purse. This seemed to slow him down quite a bit; even more than what appeared to me to be a typically slow gait.

Here's where it gets fun, she was literally yanking on her tube, dragging her husband behind using her life-giving, fresh-oxygen-producing delivery system as a leash, yelling at him, as she tried to get to her favorite slot machine. He was busy trying to untangle the tube with the various straps of her purse while he walked; having her constantly yanking and pulling on her tube was not helping the job at all. But DAMNIT! she was going to get that seat in front of her machine if it was going to kill her. Kill her, being a frightfully good possibility, as any stray yank could cause her husband to drop the oxygen tank, thereby ripping the tube completely out of her throat.

I nevere did get to see the final resolution as the couple eventually made their way past the bank of machines I was sitting at. I assume that she made it to her game, as I did not witness a flurry of paramedics rush by my area. So, in the spirit of those "Bud Light Real American Hero" radio spots:

Today, we salute you, "Mister I Carry Your Oxygen Tank" for putting up with the whining without turning into "Mister Yes Judge I Wrapped Her Tube As Tightly As I Could Around Her Neck."


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